Yesterday morning, I woke up to find this letter from my 11-year-old daughter, Jazz, tucked in my laptop. Now I am going to go into great personal detail to address this event and to testify of God’s message to His people and to me. I pray you all see and feel what me and my 18-year-old daughter, Kiari, experienced by God’s power.
Needless to say, words can’t really describe how hurt and angry this letter made me. First, she tried to use my faith and trust in Yahuwah to manipulate me into giving her what she wanted. Second, she chose things and other influences over her own mother and immediate family. There is much more that can be said about the nature of this letter, but I’ll leave it there.
In order for you to understand the depths of what God did on this day, I have to give you some background information. I raised my children as a single parent for most of their lives and endured many hardships – homelessness, failure, and eventually triumph. Nevertheless, I always took good care of them. If you are a parent, especially a single parent, then you will understand the importance of this. But ever since my first two children, whom I had at the age of 16 and 17, I have struggled with their rejection of me. To some, this may seem impossible. To others, it will seem as though I must have done something terrible as a parent. The truth is I have done everything in my power to give my children a good life and most of all to teach them to be good and righteous children of God. None the less, I am not perfect.
What I could never understand is how the children whom I gave life could reject me. How could they choose others, whom they did not know or who had not been through all that I had for them?
I recalled my relationship with my own mother – rest her soul. There were many times when she didn’t want me and my siblings and mistreated us, yet we always wanted to be with her… She was our mother – the only one we would ever have. I also thought about other family members whose children would never reject or choose others over them.
Also in the letter, Jazz refers to a “fight”. What she is talking about is a family feud, in which I and my siblings disagreed with the sentiments of my aunt and her children. Now keep in mind, that before this event, we had never “fought” over anything before. These people meant the world to me and I thought we meant the world to them. Till this day those relationships have not been mended. Not because my siblings and I did not try, but because despite our efforts, our family, whom we love dearly, rejected us and our attempt to make things right. Amazingly, a small disagreement became a spiritual battle, that we now realize had indeed begun long ago. It became a question of how we had loved versus how we should love each other.
So, on this day after reading this letter, first I prayed. I wanted so badly to whip her tale. Instead, I asked God to give me the strength to do what he wanted me to do, rather than what I wanted to do. Then I talked to two of my sisters about my reaction to the letter. Was I overreacting? Why does it hurt so bad?
After finally addressing the letter with Jazz in my hurt, pain, and anger, I went to my office. Again, I prayed and tried to calm down. I kept telling myself it wasn’t that serious, I was the parent and she was just a child and did not know what she was doing. But after correcting her, as I sat there in that office alone, I could not shake the hurt I felt.
My sister came in to check on me and the only thing I could say to her was, “Where is Kiari?”. When Kiari came I only had three words for her, “Tell momma something”. I began to cry and say that it hurt so bad. I said, “God you said I would lose my family, but I didn’t think it would be my babies too.” My sister came and held me and we all cried together.
When it was just me and Kiari, I began to talk to her. I was questioned why my own children would reject me in exchange for things, some of which they and I knew they would never receive. I questioned why they would choose a father or any other person who had not been there for them as I had. I cried out that even before they could walk and understand they rejected me.
As I am crying and saying all of this, Kiari begins to make sounds like she was trying to say something, but it wasn’t coming out. It seemed to me like she was holding her breath as tears rolled down her face. I thought she was about to pass out, but when I was done talking and as I told her to breathe, she began speaking words from God. She said, “I struggle with my children choosing things over me every day.” Immediately, I knew who was speaking and I heard, “My children reject me, but I love you.” We began crying harder as we both had individual conversations with God. But now we were crying because of the power of Yah that was manifesting, but it was only beginning.
I began having flashbacks of all that I had been through with my children, all that I had done for them, and the person that I became so that they could become righteous children of God, led by my example.
Kiari began telling me about what she had experienced during the time when it appeared like she couldn’t breathe. She said Yah told her she could not speak yet because it was not time. I understood why. Yah had me confessing aloud all the ways I had been rejected by my own children and all the reasons why which were all the ways and reasons He had been rejected by His. After I finished she was allowed to say what he had told her. Now, Kiari is not as well versed in scripture as I am, so she asked me, “Is God’s children’s rejection of Him in the Bible?” I said “Yes it is” and she cried even harder saying, “I didn’t know that.”
I calmed down and said, “It’s okay. We will be okay. We can’t make people love us or make them know how much we love them even if it’s our own kids.” Right after, God spoke to Kiari again, this time she heard God repeating the word “hope”, then she tells me, “We will be restored.” He said to her, “You are her hope so that she never falls all the way down.” At the same time, I heard Him say to me, “remnant”. Tears still pouring from our eyes, I said to her, “The bible talks about the remnant, the 10 percent of Israel, the 144,000, they are the hope of Israel, and Israel is the hope for all of mankind. You are my remnant.”
Kiari revealed that God also told her He was preparing me “to go”. He was making sure that I would be ready to leave my kids, knowing that he would take care of them. This, He had already revealed to me some time ago, but it was God’s way of confirming that He was indeed speaking through her.
Today, for the first time ever, I came to understand what God was doing in my life and my relationship with my children. My life and many of yours are testaments of the One True and Living God. My suffering was a metaphor for His. My daughter is a metaphor for the remnant, and my other children are a metaphor for all others in this world.
He knows that, like Jazz, we just don’t know what we are doing. So for thousands of years, he has been patiently loving us through our rejection of Him, and for thousands of years He has endured the hurt that this rejection causes Him.
If you look closely at the bottom of the letter, Jazz scratched out the word “Love” and replaced it with “Wuv” … We too are “wuving God” because there is but one “love” and it isn’t “Wuv”, especially when we intentionally “scratch out” the love God has placed in us and replace it with substitutes.
So this message was not only for me but also for you. We are rejecting our Father. The Father who gave us life. The One who went out of His way to ensure we would have salvation. The one who gave His most valued possession, Yahushua the Messiah, for our redemption and restoration and He who will also give us, whom He also loves deeply, for the redemption and restoration of others in the world.
It was also revealed to me, through this experience, the times in which we live. Like Kiari, the remnant has been awakened and called out. It is now time for all of Israel to awaken and be redeemed. After this comes greater tribulation than the world has ever seen. Israel will be killed and will rise again after three days. This is all in the Book of Revelations.
Stop rejecting your Father, provider, and keeper. Accept Him and His love for what they are. If my experience is even a fraction of His, He loves us beyond words. It hurts to continually love, provide for, and keep your family, yet be rejected for the things and people of this world.
There are no English words to describe this pain. Just know that it is great. It’s worse than losing a loved one to physical death, because in this we, and especially God, are faced with losing loved ones for an eternity. When someone we care about dies, most of us hold on to the hope that we will be with them again… but what does it feel like not to have this hope? What must it be like for God, to know that his children are forfeiting their eternal life for the “stuff” His adversary offers to them.
How many of you have written a letter to Yah to reject Him… to tell Him you no longer want to be a part of His family, but a part of His adversary’s? Have you chosen to live like the world, rather than like Yahushua? Have you made a decision to move with His adversary?
Your Father, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, loves you without measure. He is calling His children back to Him. Hear His voice and be restored to Him.
If you regret your rejection of your Father, please pray with me with a sincere heart.
Father, I am sorry that I and my ancestors have rejected you. Teach me to love you and your people, like you have loved me and mine – who are one in the same. I want to come back to you. Give me what I need to be restored to you. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for always providing for me, even while I rejected you. Thank you for choosing me and for loving me. Thank you for sacrificing your son, Yahushua, and your sons, the remnant, and Israel. Thank you for your perfect plan and will and for guiding me, even in my rejection, stubbornness, and confusion. Thank you for making my life a testament of Your existence. Father, I am sorry, please teach me to love You with the same love which you have given me.