June 22, 2024

I wrote this extensive journal entry on August 15, 2017. When I recently came across it again, I decided to it was worthy of sharing. 

In the back of my mind I wonder, “have I lost my mind…” Is that even possible? I mean if I had lost it, would I be able to question my own sanity? The fact that one questions her sanity is indicative of sanity, right?

For the past few days I have had clear as day recollections of dreams and visions I had forgotten all about. One in particular is me being spiritually present at my own burial. Feeling the sadness of my loved ones and seeing those single roses being thrown on top of my own grave on a rainy day.

As I watched TV one day this past weekend, I saw a similar seen and felt a familiar sadness. It was like I was suddenly at my own burial again. When I realized what had happened I looked at the TV to see if it had brought me to this place. Yet, to my recollection, there was no such seen.

This comes after a year of visions and dreams and extraordinary spiritual abilities such as bible and dream interpretation.

Speaking of dreams, I had a relevant one last night. I dreamed that my family and I were out of town, on vacation or something. We were staying in a cabin like structure in a small town, the “city”, if you will. My husband and children left to go to the store or something and I was alone. When I looked out the window, I noticed that there was a cemetery to the right of the house that was not there before. As I tried to understand what was happening, I noticed a doorway that also was not previously there and went through it to the back end of the cabin. When I walked in, it was a small chapel. I went back to the front of the house and looked out of the window to the left side of the cabin and there was more cemetery. Suddenly, I realized that I had been teleported to another cabin that looked like the first, but had an added chapel and was smack dab in the middle of a cemetery. I also realized that my family would be looking for me at the other cabin.  In a panic, I called my husband and walked outside and began describing my location to him. I told him about the cemetery and some other landmarks that were in the area. Eventually he found me.

Repeatedly, I recall how the intense visions and extraordinary spiritual gifts first started over a year ago. I heard Yahuwah say that I had three and a half years left. In my heart I knew that this was the length of my remaining days on earth. But as time went on, I began to wonder if this was a death that would be spiritual in nature. Would my fleshly desires die and my spirit overcome? Did this simply indicate that a major change would take place ain my life? In light of current events, I have become more convinced that all these things have and will occur. Over the past year I have experienced the death of my fleshly desires and a rising up of spiritual dominance. I have also experienced life altering change by way of these experiences, yet I know the change is still in the works.

I asked my husband what he thought the cabin in the cemetery dream meant and he says that he believes I will go to a dark place and in order for him to save me from it, he will have to come with me.  A very valid interpretation, I believe. Yet, I cannot kick the thought that it is simply preparing me for my own physical death. And if this is the case, why am I being warned? Are others also warned, but just don’t talk about it? I believe my mother knew when she was about to die. She didn’t give us details or explanations like I try to do, but she said referring to the hospital staff, “These people will kill me” and made it clear that she wasn’t just saying it, but it would literally happen. Indeed, they did. On the other hand, I had heard my mom say she was going to die soon many times over since my childhood. Am I simply repeating her own experience?

Truth is only God knows for sure what this all means and why it is happening to me. Until last night’s dream, I had no fear of death. But when I thought about being in that cemetery worrying about how my family would feel arriving at the first cabin to find that I had vanished, I wondered if this was God’s way of correcting my course. When I considered how frantic I felt about having been unexpectedly transferred to another place, I wondered if that will be what it’s like. Is it His way of preparing me? Should I desire to live for them or should I continue to desire to be with Him?  Perhaps, the purpose of this dream was to raise this very question.

I also recall feeling disappointed that even in what could have been death, I was still on earth. I still experienced fear, concern for my family, and worry. None of my previous experiences had been like this. They had all been positive. Even the sadness I felt for my loved ones while they said their last goodbyes to me reminded me that I would never really leave them and would never stop loving them. But this time the feelings were not positive… They weren’t horrible, but they felt different…they felt just as they would in life.

For over a year now, every day I live I have been prepared and am preparing for death. I write my thoughts, dreams, visions, and knowledge given to me by the Most High God because I want to leave it with those I love and with others. I believe it will help them when I am gone. The thing is, as time goes by, as that three and a half years wind down, this feeling and these experiences are becoming more intense, more real, and frankly more to bare.  I want to say that I am becoming fearful, but that’s not completely true. What I am becoming is more aware of the implication of my death on those I love and it hurts.

Then I think to myself, what will I do if I am still living in five years?  Will I think back and realize that I was indeed losing my mind?  Will I find a reason to justify these feelings, like to say that it was a spiritual event after all? I strongly doubt that I will be here to think back, but what if? I can’t even think past today. I can’t see tomorrow for myself, more less five years. I can barely recall yesterday. It’s like I literally live day by day, there is no yesterday or tomorrow for me… Yet, there is. What could this mean?

So as I thought of all these things this morning I was inspired to write a list of things I believe… Not sure why, but here it is.

  • I believe there is One Power over all powers, the Creator of all things.
  • I believe that His image has the potential to exist in everything and in every one.
  • I believe that we, humanity, were sent here to learn His character and to choose rather we are with Him or against Him, which is also to choose to be like Him or like His adversary.
  • I believe that God loves ALL of humanity and has implemented a plan to save ALL who chooses Him.
  • I believe that His people, my people Israel, is a part of that plan. They will be saved, thus will save the rest of humanity.
  • I believe that Israel is a symbolic representation of all of humanity and what happens to them must happen to all the nations of the world. That is, their rejection of Him, attempt to worship Him, their failure to properly worship him, their bondage, and redemption.
  • I believe that God’s remnant has risen and is rising.
  • I believe that we are in the last days and are the last generation before the 1000 year reign.
  • I believe that God still speaks to His prophets and that His servants still serve Him.
  • I believe that every truth worth knowing is in the bible, but we must look beyond the surface to understand it.
  • I believe that God wants us to have intimate knowledge of good and evil and that it is the only way that humanity can fulfill their purpose on earth. To know good and evil is to know God and His adversary and to choose a side.
  • I believe that individuals like myself have no free-will, only the perception of such. God’s hand is always on us, even when we fail and fall and it’s all a part of His plan
  • I believe that everything is divinely inspired and planned, or at least has been known by Him from the beginning of time.
  • I believe that we must be able to discern what is truly like God, before we can righteously judge or condemn anything or anyone. We can’t love what He loves and hate what He hates, if we have no TRUE knowledge and understanding of either.
  • I believe that humanity has perverted the Words of God, not just the bible, but his complete Word and law – the essence of who He is, His character.

For example; they say we should unquestionably obey this one and that one. But, every role has a scope of authority attached to it and if one acts outside of their God-given authority, his Godless authority is not to be “obeyed”.

  • God gives authority to the husband to provide for and protect the wife. In this role, he also acts as the representative of the union. BUT if a husband acts outside of his God-given role, beating rather than protecting, exploiting rather than providing, and misrepresenting the union, he causes His wife and family to sin and should be denied such authority. Extra-Godly authority is not given by Yahuwah, but by man. Likewise, a wife who rejects the righteous authority and responsibility of her husband is evil.
  • Wives have been given authority to counsel their husbands. A wife acting outside of the scope of her authority is dysfunctional and her self-given or man-made authority should be rejected. Likewise, a husband who rejects the righteous counsel of His wife is evil.
  • Parents have been given authority over their children, but a parent that does not function in their role as parent, that is to provide for, protect, and counsel, is acting outside of the scope of their God-given authority and causes their children to sin. Again, such authority is given by man and should be rejected as Godless. For example, if a parent instructs his child to kill, this should be rejected. The same is true for any other sin against God, such as worshiping other gods and idols. Likewise, a child who rejects the righteous deeds of their parent is dysfunctional.
  • Police are given authority to serve/provide and protect. An officer acting outside of this authority is evil. Likewise, a civilian who rejects the righteous deeds of an officer is dysfunctional.
  • A boss is given authority to counsel, but a boss counseling anti-god rhetoric is acting in dysfunction.
  • A master is given authority to counsel his slave, but a slave master acting outside of the scope of his God-given authority is evil.
  • The spirit is given authority to counsel the flesh, a spirit giving anti-God counsel leads one into unrighteousness and is evil.
  • The flesh has been given authority to have the last say over the spirit, but flesh that rejects the righteous counsel of the spirit is evil.

See, God’s image is in all these things, it is only when His image is not present should these “authorities” be rejected… Note, it is not the person that should be rejected, but their Godless authority.

If you tell me to molest a child, despite who you are, I will reject your authority. If you tell me to infringe upon the God-given rights of another human being, I will reject your authority, despite who you are. If you tell me to hate people, I will reject your authority. If you tell me to take from the poor, I will reject your authority because it is not from God.

  • I believe that humanity is missing this key element. We have come to believe that ourselves and other humans are the ones who give authority and that we must obey the unrighteous authority of man or hate those who perpetrate unrighteous authority.

We think that it is our duty to condemn people… but the only authority we have been given is the authority to condemn unrighteous authority… not the unrighteous deeds of others, but the unrighteous authority that others attempt to impart on us.

A good example of this can be found in those who fight for or against abortion and homosexuality. If someone tries to make you kill your baby, you have a God-given right and responsibility to reject their authority, but if someone chooses to kill their own baby, you have no God-given authority over them at all. All you can do is counsel the individual against it and ask God to change their heart, if you are in anyway responsible for them. i.e. their parent or other family member, their doctor, leader, pastor, mentor, someone they came to for advice, etc. Likewise, it is not within your God-given authority to support abortion or the murder of any person. At the end of the day, it is their choice and their sin, and not yours., so long as you didn’t act outside the scope of your own God-given authority.

The same holds true for homosexuality. A truly righteous person, does not condemn the homosexual, they act within the scope of their own God-given authority. We have not been given the authority to judge “WHO” is or isn’t worthy of the kingdom, although we have been given the authority to judge “WHAT” is or isn’t worthy of the kingdom. We are to counsel against the physical acts of the individual, if it is a person over whom we have been given authority. Again, the final decision belongs to the flesh of that person, not society, Christians, religion, or humanity as a whole.

Another aspect of this is that God is all-knowing and always in control, not only of our own lives, but also of the lives of those we seek to condemn. When we choose to act as the complete and final authority over others and their decisions, we [humanity] are attempting to be God, build the tower of Babel to reach up to heaven, and make a name for ourselves. This is Satan, the adversary – this is the character of last Babylon.

The moral is, we must learn to do what is within our own scope of authority as it is given to us by God, and not try to be God or like God in this respect, determining who is or isn’t worthy of His kingdom. He really doesn’t need our help in that department.

Self-elevating behavior is the cause of all evil. We give abortion and homosexuality its authority by making is center stage for public debate, rather than an issue to be dealt with by those who has God’s authorization to deal with it within the scope of their God-given authority.

Ultimately, each individual is responsible for their own choices. A righteous person does not seek to control the destination of another human, that’s God’s job! Nor do they support those things which are against God. In short, being righteous means minding your own business – only acting within the scope of your own God-given authority.

If a stranger or a loved one approaches you about their sinful desire or potentially sinful decision, it is your business to counsel them against unrighteousness and not support it, but support a righteous decision. But that’s it! That’s all God wants us to do… He has the rest!

I don’t claim to know everything, and I don’t have all the answers, but these are the wisdom pieces God has revealed to me. And although deep in my mind, I too wish that I could give every person on earth these truths and change the world, I know it is not my place. My authority is only to write them down and pray that someday, whomever God so chooses is led to these truths and receives it. Thus, this is what I do!

In the world we live in, the voice is taken from the counselor and the ability to provide and protect is taken from the keeper. It is all a reflection and reaction to this same thing happening in the foundation of God’s image. God has been rejected as the voice of counsel to the individual spirits of humanity and as the keeper of mankind.

As a result, the spirit is rejected as the counselor and the flesh is rejected as the keeper. The husband is denied his right to provide and protect and the wife is denied her responsibility to counsel. Both parents are hindered from providing provision, protection, and counsel to their children. Thus, everything that humanity touches turn into dust because humanity is dysfunctional. We reject the image of God – from that which is in Yahuwah himself, to that which is in humans and human relationships.

We attempt to line everything up as either equal, greater, or lessor or good or evil… but this is not a construct of Yahuwah Elohim. It is a construct of the adversary. It has been created and maintained by the adversarial characters [spirits] that roam the earth, manifesting themselves in humankind.

There is no greater, lesser than, or equal to among humans. Every person has a particular role that is fluid depending on the situational relationship of them to another. First and foremost, the individual’s relationship within themselves – that is the relationship between their spirit and Yahuwah and their spirit and their flesh must be functional and in order. The only relationship that is superior in importance and in weight to another is the relationship between the individual spirit and the spirit of Yahuwah where Yahuwah is superior to all things. Other than this, in a unit none is greater than the other. Rather, both are required to function in their individual roles specific to the scope of their authority in order to function at all.

The spirit of a person cannot supersede the deeds of the flesh, but the flesh of a person must adhere to the counsel of a functional spirit that is connected to the spirit of the Almighty in order to be functional, or as we say “to be good”.

The same holds true with all human relationships. When the voice of the counselor is quieted or the physical responsibilities of the keeper is barred, dysfunction, or as we say, “evil” is present.

So than the only hierarchy that exists is this one!

In every human interaction, a person falls in one of these two lower roles, masculine or feminine. The concept of good and evil or function and dysfunction is determined when that person acts according to their own role, or tries to act within the scope of the opposite role or both roles. If a person or group acts within the scope of their own role, they act functionally, but if they act according to the opposite role or both roles, they act dysfunctional. Sometimes, in a given situation a third party has no functional role at all, yet they insert themselves into relationship or situation. This too is dysfunctional.

Someday when time allows, I will take inventory of my beliefs yet again. Hopefully, there will be evidence that I’ve grown and not declined… For now, I find it sufficient to let you know where I was at that stage in my journey a year and a half ago!

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